Recently (May, 2005) Mayor Newsom announced plans to engage a new task force to address the declining number of children in San Francisco. It was reported that only 14.5 percent of our city is under the age of 18. This is a staggering number when you consider that even Palm Beach, Florida boasts a child population of 19 percent. Local news outlets responded to the Mayor's announcement with frightening statistics regarding the decreasing census in schools and the corresponding decreases in the already tight school budgets. Inflated housing prices, crime and the stress of city life were cited as reasons that many families with young children are leaving our beautiful city on the bay.

The strain on modern, urban families can be overwhelming. In our psychotherapy practices, we council many families struggling with life in the urban climate. Usually, both parents must work in order to make ends meet. Consequently, time becomes increasingly tight and filled with chores and other obligations. For example, negotiating the school system to find good and safe schools can take months. And, often, a simple chore, such as grocery shopping, can be a daunting task when you factor in city traffic, parking and high costs. Other strains can include the loss of supportive networks as other families move away coupled with the fact that extended families may be located elsewhere.

Under these and other stresses, relationships within the family become strained. Relationships between adults become characterized by conversations about problems and can stagnate. Children, struggling with school and city life themselves, often react with tantrums or by withdrawing into their peer groups. With everyone running around to meet the demands of their heavy schedules, it can feel as if you are living with strangers.

The good news is that there are concrete actions you can take to get support and create a healthy family system. Despite the bleak picture painted by the news, San Francisco has a wealth of resources to help your family rebuild and maintain healthy and fun-filled relationships. Sometimes it is just a matter of knowing where to look, but more often it's making the time and adjusting your mindset. A family that consistently creates time for fun and positive communication will run more smoothly with less tantrums and less marital stress. The result is usually more laughter and more positive family interconnection.

The first step is to notice that San Francisco has an abundance of community networks available to families who want to share duties, chores, and babysitting. This may be something you develop with your neighbors or with an organized group. Some resources on the web include: www.bayareaparent.com, www.jfcs.org, www.ggwc.org, www.childrenscouncil.org, www.tnpc.com, and www.craigslist.com.

Now that you have more time, how will you fill it? Turn off the TV and engage in activities that lead to interaction between you, your children and your spouse or partner. Parents that spend quality time together as a couple deepen their relationships and become better working partners. Families that share fun outings or at-home projects forge greater ties and are better able to handle stresses. More good news is that San Francisco is a great place to find fun and (mostly) free activities. Here are a few on-line resources: www.sanfranciscokids.net, www.exploratorium.edu, www.randallmuseum.org, www.discoverymuseum.com, www.childrensartcenter.org, and www.sfgate.com.

It's likely that once you start looking, you'll find that our city is more kid-friendly than the media leads you believe. You have only to find creative ways to carve out time and make those connections. We believe that taking the initiative to do so will lead to a healthy and engaged family life.

However, you may find that your best efforts are not enough. If your family continues to struggle, there is still more good news: there are trained marriage and family therapists available to you. Frequently, clients find that an open forum to talk about marital difficulties, children's behavioral problems, and the stresses of city life can lead to new understanding, greater connection to their own strengths, and can clear the way for positive change.

The task of raising a connected and happy urban family is not an easy one. We all know San Francisco is a unique city that can inspire and grow families. Take a few minutes right now to investigate the resources, help and fun that can support and deepen the important job of parenting.

About the authors. Amara Brown, MFT (415-391-1741) and Samantha Zylstra, MFTI (415-585-3132) are San Francisco therapists in private practice. They hope this article was helpful. If you would like to continue the conversation, please feel free to call.